I’m pretty sure I’ve done this before, but given my blog adventure last year, I’m not sure I’d know where it is. So, borrowed from Cassandra:

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Made a conscious effort to eat more locally. Ran, and plan to again (well, hadn’t done that in 15 years, but that’s pretty close to never). Learned to have the guts to be my own patient advocate.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My “resolution” centered on health, if you recall. All aspects of it. Among other things, I tackled purging things I don’t need (there is still much more to go), coming to terms with a new normal in my physical health, adjusted my perspective on what material-wise and food-wise  I view is healthy, tried to make some progress on the health of my marriage (baby steps), and a whole bunch of other little things. I wasn’t expecting monumental changes, but lots of little changes in lots of areas is a pretty sweeping attitude change. I consider it a success.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but there are at least a couple of babies coming in 2010 that I’m excited about!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, fortunately, but FAR too many people died who were close to people who were close to me. One degree of separation. Simply, too much pain for too many people I know personally and would not like to see a repeat of in 2010.

5. What countries did you visit?
Nothing new this year, unfortunately, but I WILL make it to the Netherlands in 2010. It may kill my pocketbook.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
An exercise routine that I stick to. I frankly wouldn’t mind being pregnant, but we’re still not actively pursuing that (and I’m ok with it).

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Probably Inauguration Day was the only one – for obvious reasons. My cousin’s wedding. The Sunny Day Real Estate show since I’d wanted to see them for SO long.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Grew a garden. My “resolution” was kind of a big one, in a strange way. Finally got the old tattoo on my ankle covered and got the one I had planned for my 30th birthday, which was 2 years ago, LOL.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not achieving anything bigger in 2009. My weight – after working so hard to lose weight before I went to Europe, I have inched up again. Lesson learned: age and metabolism are not friends. Not taking care of my debt and getting carried away by impulse buys.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, thankfully. Just dealt with what I already have and attempted to manage it. I know what I need to do, it just seems to be up in the air as to whether or not I’ll do it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My GTI.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
J, who is infinitely patient with my quirkiness, as always.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My mother and her husband. A large number of the people around the Metro DC area. In many cases, I agree with Cassandra about Americans in general – as in the post I referenced in #2.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Debt. Toys.  <- THIS needs to change.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Wonderful things happening for my friends and family.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Unfortunately, anything by Lady Gaga, who I really don’t like.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:?a) happier or sadder? ?b) thinner or fatter? ?c) richer or poorer?
Happier, about the same, about the same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Had more adventures.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spending money and eating.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with my inlaws in North Carolina.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
No. Stayed in love, which is a big thing in and of itself.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Hmmm….I started watching a bunch of new shows this year that I hadn’t before….Mad Men? Biggest Loser?

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate isn’t worth the energy.

25. What was the best book you read?
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Sparta. Why must I discover bands after they’re already broken up?

27. What did you want and get?
My GTI.

28. What did you want and not get?
There’s always something. New kitchen counters.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Probably “Up”…I did like “New Moon,” but in a hedonist kind of way.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 32. Spent time with my mother, went out to dinner at a new local restaurant. Other than that, I don’t really remember!

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Feeling like I belong somewhere in this world and having something significant to contribute.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Evolving. Found a blog that changed my attitude and have been running with it.

33. What kept you sane?
Having not too much of anything. Not too much work, not too much play….

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
No one really.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Marriage equality, I’d say.

36. Who did you miss?
My friends and family who are all over that place that are not HERE.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Why?
Didn’t really meet too many new people, but Facebook continues to be a fun place to reconnect with old friends!

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Just because you CAN have something it doesn’t mean you need to have it or should have it. I hope to apply this more in 2010.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“You set a fire to forget, to burn up all you regret. But really, nothing has changed, today. You can’t go on this way.” – Sparta

Onward and upward, forward is the only way to go. Cheers to 2010.

I can’t tell these days if my mind is muddled from illness, allergies, spring fever, or all of the above. What I do know is that not only is it Friday, but it’s the First Day of Spring – which is a bad mix for even the most cerebral individual. The daffodils are blooming here, crocuses are well on their way, too, and the trees are making like they’re going to bloom.

Now if only the weather will catch up.

I’m ready for warmth. For a new start. Health as my focus for the year has thrown me quite a few little curveballs, no? Enough already. Back on track – whether I’m ready or not!

Happy Spring!

So, J’s at a meeting, working late tonight. I offered to cook up a nice dinner if he’d get the chicken marinating last night. Normally on Thursdays we do something quick. And – I’m looking forward to a nice dinner, made by ME.

I have no idea how the thought process started, but I realized I am so much more motivated to do things when I’m home alone. Something. Anything. In fact, I relish it.

When J’s there, I just feel like a sloth. And I feel guilty about it, too, of course. Part of it is because he lets me not do anything. He takes too good care of me.

Is that possible?

“Honey, stop cooking me dinner or washing the dishes, because if you do it, I’ll let you.”

When I lived alone, I did all kinds of things. Cleaned. Cooked. Hung pictures and blinds. Painted. Assembled furniture. Moved large objects. Changed my oil in my car. Washed its wheels with a toothbrush. Sloth I was NOT.

But, now that I have someone who takes care of me, I don’t do any of those things very often. When J’s not around, I just fall into doing those things again, like I never stopped.

When did I get to be so spoiled and lazy? I’m feeling like a bad partner. It’s unhealthy for our relationship to let this perpetuate, even if he’s OK with it. I’m not OK with it.

Well. Just about everyone I can think of has posted something regarding their thoughts on Tuesday’s inauguration. Simply, I have nothing novel to add. It was very strange, sitting in my living room watching the events unfold on TV – a mere 20 miles from the event itself. No work that day (bonus!) – no way to get into DC!

On NPR that morning, while I was running around doing errands, I heard the newscasters say that of the 1.1 million (-ish) people there, it seemed like 98% were black. People remarked at how disappointing that was, seeing as Obama’s winning this election was a celebration of our progress as a country, not just the celebration of African-Americans. I can see that – but the black contingent of the American population certainly has a LOT to celebrate.

My thoughts as I went through that afternoon were surprisingly tied into my Word. The US is terribly unhealthy. In our management of international relations, we have been stuck somewhere around 2001. Even our outgoing president referred repeatedly to his successes during that time and in our response to terror as the highlights of what he did “right.” All the while, inside our borders, our country has been eating itself alive. Financially, through poor behavior on the parts of greedy banks and companies, and on the parts of people who felt they “had a right” to own a home even if they really couldn’t afford it. Physically, through years of people thinking that for a car, “bigger is better” – and then panicking when gas prices rose (as seriously, we all had to know they eventually would). “Bigger is better” in homes, TVs, clothes (designer labels), toys for our kids, attitudes.

WE ARE AMERICAN, IT IS OUR RIGHT TO HAVE THIS STUFF.

I had my first inklings of this thought process when I was in Europe. Quite frankly – I was ashamed to be American. Ashamed of what we have come to stand for. And when the economy tanked, part of me thought “YES – now we will pay for the damage we have collectively done, and for our poor attitudes and entitlement complexes.” I’m guilty of it too, for sure.
From these, lowest of lows inside the US, there came a ray of light in the form of a man who can incite passion and excitement in people just by his demeanor. And he came promising the possibility of hope and change.

On Tuesday, he spoke of the hard work ahead. Truthfully, there is more work than one man can do, than even all of us can do in his one term. But he offered to guide us down that path, and I believe that his unique gifts are what our country needs most right now: something good to believe in. Expectations for him are high, as well they should be. But, we should be setting our expectations for ourselves that high as well – he can’t do this alone, nor should we expect him to. (Cue the YouTube video I’m sure everyone has seen)

We have a “doctor” to guide us, so I’m ready to do my part and take my “medicine” if it means that we’ll have our country healthy again – and someplace I can be proud of – sometime in the foreseeable future.

With another doctor’s appointment this past Tuesday (a gastroenterologist this time), I’ve really been spending this week thinking about the physical interpretation of health. I’ve been dealing with some issues that seem to enjoy masquerading as other things . After that little adventure a couple of months back, I decided to keep a food journal and track what I ate and my symptoms – my doctor was suspecting IBS, hence the GI doc, and I decided I’d had enough and would wait until after the holidays.

Well, the GI doc? Everything one would expect, and none of it good. More poking, tests, prodding, various unpleasantries. Agressive testing, in my opinion, that as he was talking about it, I found myself feeling distinctly uncomfortable.

Like, NO WAY AM I SIGNING ON FOR THAT.

Driving home with the knowledge that he, too suspects IBS, but “just wants to rule out other things,” I became suddenly philosophical.

How much is too much? This is MY body, MY medical care – it’s not what HE wants, it’s what I feel is best for me. If, on a scale of 1 to 10 where higher number = BAD, he wants to run a test on me that – all things considered (monetary cost, time, anxiety, discomfort), I rank as a 7, and it does not guarantee an answer, and further, how I FEEL is a 3, well then…simple cost / benefit.

I’ve already had a bunch of tests. If there was something really wrong, they would have seen it. Upon reading up on IBS, I don’t have any of the “alarm” symptoms. Only the classic ones. So – am I content to move ahead just knowing what I know now, or to I want to do every test on the planet to validate that? If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s probably a duck. I don’t need to run up to it and grab it to be 200% sure. I’m OK with 90%.

I’m OK with 90%. That’s a big step.

IBS is something that is managed, not cured. It will not kill me. If they were suspecting something damaging, something that would kill me, then I would want to know and I damn well would want it fixed. But I’m 31, not 70, so don’t run all those tests on me that you run on all those elderly people in the waiting room just because it’s what you do. I appreciate thoroughness, but COME ON.

My whole life, I have done whatever doctors think should be done. I trust them, almost implicitly because – well – they’re doctors. In this particular case, though….I left feeling not so trusting. I’m questioning. And for the first time, I feel that that is healthy to do. This is MY world, squirrel.

I don’t know what my deal is today with animals, but this realization is PROGRESS.